Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

[DennisD]

I resemble that remark. . .

[DennisD]

[Frederick_Law]

SafetyFirst147.jpg

He was asking for a raise

[mattpeneguy]

[DennisD]

I scrolled down through the comments in this story https://www.foxnews.com/sports/cowboys- ... zes-remark and saw this:

According to a study, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.

[DennisD]

[Glenn Schroeder]

How many online forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

44 to ask what is a "FAQ".

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

[DennisD]

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

Not to be AR, but which 6 are condemning which other 6?

[DennisD]

I about died laughing. Good one! Copied.
A True Story .... Carnation Milk
When opening a can of carnation evaporated milk for your recipes just smile and think of this:
A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her family’s dairy farm since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation…
So when canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with “Carnation milk is best of all ....”
She said to herself “ I know all about milking cows and dairy farms… I can do this!”
She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house… A man got out and said, “Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we WILL NOT Be able to use it...
Here is her entry

Carnation Milk is best of all,
No tits to pull,
No hay to haul,
No buckets to wash,
No $#!+ to pitch,
Just poke a hole
In the Son-of-a-*****

[Ömür Tokman]

Hi Guys,
I couldn't find any clear information on the web about the things I indicated with arrows,
Can anyone give me some information on these two issues?
As far as I understand, the salary is annual.

[DennisD]

[DanPihlaja]

Hi Guys,
I couldn't find any clear information on the web about the things I indicated with arrows,
Can anyone give me some information on these two issues?
As far as I understand, the salary is annual.

2022-07-30_13-15-59.png

$16,000 annually for an electrician? Is this job in the United States?

[Ömür Tokman]

$16,000 annually for an electrician? Is this job in the United States?

No

[SPerman]

They managed to make the bore round, but not the outer body.

[Glenn Schroeder]

image.png

They managed to make the bore round, but not the outer body.

. . . and the sleeves on the sides are rounded in the isometric view, but squared off with chamfers in the cross section.

[DanPihlaja]

image.png

They managed to make the bore round, but not the outer body.

And there are not chamfers on the actual product on the "ears"

It seriously bothers me when manufacturers will display a CAD model or drawing and it obviously doesn't match the actual part.

We just ran into this. Trying to check clearances of a fixture inside the machine, my check said that we had 3/4" clearance. The actual clearance was more like 1/8" because the inaccurate CAD model that the supplier sent was shorter than the actual product. Luckily, we always check before we spun up a machine.

But accurate DATA matters.....

[jcapriotti]

image.png

They managed to make the bore round, but not the outer body.

The AutoCAD and SolidWorks designers did not collaborate.

[SPerman]

I'm having a flashback:

Viewres=1000

(I have no idea where that came from. I haven't used ACAD on any kind of regular basis since 1999.)

[DennisD]

Some won't get this, but I'll bet @Glenn Schroeder and @mattpeneguy do.

[SPerman]

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

[Tom G]

ME: I'm 45, but I have the body of a 19 year old.
HER: Prove it.
ME: *goes downstairs, opens large freezer*

[DennisD]

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

That was an entire movie that can be converted into memes. And it was before memes existed.

[Glenn Schroeder]

Some won't get this, but I'll bet @Glenn Schroeder and @mattpeneguy do.

image.png

Which reminds me, I occasionally describe my drawings as "pictures, with circles and arrows, and a paragraph on the back" just to see if anyone will get the reference.

[Glenn Schroeder]

ME: I'm 45, but I have the body of a 19 year old.
HER: Prove it.
ME: *goes downstairs, opens large freezer*

I tried to give blood today. Never again! There are too many questions.

"Where did you get the blood?"

"Why is it in a bucket?"

[SamSpade]

Which reminds me, I occasionally describe my drawings as "pictures, with circles and arrows, and a paragraph on the back" just to see if anyone will get the reference.

"you can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant", it's a good tune/story

[DanPihlaja]

Some won't get this, but I'll bet @Glenn Schroeder and @mattpeneguy do.

image.png

I laughed so hard when I saw this people came from across the room to see what I was laughing about. LOL. Half the people didn't get it, the other half thought it was only so so funny. *sigh* What happened to people?

[KaMei]

[Tom G]

It's animated - click to view

[DennisD]

[DennisD]

Well, the title of this thread does say mostly clean. . .

[KaMei]

[Frederick_Law]

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

No, never look into mirror when I'm naked.

[DennisD]

[KaMei]

[Ömür Tokman]

The pine tree seed we put in a pot does not become a big pine tree. because that is not his place. If our abilities are not in the right environment, they do not develop well, they become victims of narrow mentality.
Jim Rohn said, "We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with."


There was a topic where we wrote such words, but I couldn't find it.

[KaMei]

The pine tree seed we put in a pot does not become a big pine tree. because that is not his place. If our abilities are not in the right environment, they do not develop well, they become victims of narrow mentality.
Jim Rohn said, "We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with."


There was a topic where we wrote such words, but I couldn't find it.

[KaMei]

[KaMei]

[DennisD]

[SamSpade]

[SamSpade]

[mattpeneguy]

I've seen worse...

[Glenn Schroeder]

I've seen worse...

I have too. I'll never forget about 20 years ago I was in Corpus Christi, and saw a sign mounted on a pipe, and it had one of the triangular slip bases. We test those all the time, so I know how they're supposed to work. At impact they will release, and the sign fly out of the way, avoiding unpleasant things like sudden deceleration. Sudden deceleration is a bad thing in passenger vehicles.

I guess this particular one had been hit a number of times, and they were tired of fixing it, so the slip base had a big ugly weld all the way around it so it couldn't release. If there was ever a lawsuit waiting to happen, that was it.

[Frederick_Law]

Oh just like all those mechanic replacing shear pins with harden dowels.

[Frederick_Law]

"Due to supply chain issue, common sense is on back order until further notice."

[DennisD]

[SamSpade]

[Glenn Schroeder]

Points to @Frederick_Law.

[Frederick_Law]

LOL lucky guess?
Next post:
"I've remodeled my brain and 3D printed a new one using MAKER"

[SPerman]

This ad showed up on a web site. I guess it isn't for me. None of the actuators in my Cad drawings need monitoring.