Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Roasted By John · Wed Jun 16, 2021 10:56 am

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Wed Jun 16, 2021 9:17 am Yeah, I've seen expiration dates on honey, too...

Never call your wife, fiancé or girlfriend

"Honey"

One Definition is "Concentrated Sap" (that was replaced by) "Viscid Fluid"

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Jun 17, 2021 3:09 am

Roasted By John · Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:32 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:53 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:47 am

SamSpade · Unread post by **SamSpade** » Fri Jun 18, 2021 3:48 pm

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:34 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Tue Jun 22, 2021 1:39 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Jun 22, 2021 8:16 am

: image.png (178.4 KiB) Viewed 5878 times

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Jun 22, 2021 9:32 am

Yes, these are SI units. . .

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Wed Jun 23, 2021 2:00 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Wed Jun 23, 2021 12:22 pm

MJuric · Unread post by **MJuric** » Wed Jun 23, 2021 12:37 pm

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Wed Jun 16, 2021 9:17 am Yeah, I've seen expiration dates on honey, too...

Actually honey can expire if it is not sealed properly. Honey is pretty hydroscopic and at some tipping point it becomes able to ferment....so well I guess it doesn't go bad per say, just turns into mead

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Thu Jun 24, 2021 12:51 pm

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Thu Jun 24, 2021 12:53 pm

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Thu Jun 24, 2021 1:30 pm

@mattpeneguy BT;DT!

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:04 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:05 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:09 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:37 am

DennisD wrote: ↑Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:09 amimage.png

I thought this was the Jokes Thread...That's actually sound advice for stopping itching...
Can't wait until next week with the follow up...

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:41 am

@DennisD,
Just sent that picture to my wife and her reply was, "Was that from the CDC?"!!!!!

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:51 am

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:41 am @DennisD,
Just sent that picture to my wife and her reply was, "Was that from the CDC?"!!!!!

Tell her it was from the AOC.

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Sat Jun 26, 2021 10:04 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Sat Jun 26, 2021 10:05 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 2:21 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 8:01 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 8:02 am

Doesn't even need translation....

mike miller · Unread post by **mike miller** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 8:19 am

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Mon Jun 28, 2021 8:01 amimage.png

Is this something that the CDC is (finally) admitting?

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 8:53 am

: image.png (316.65 KiB) Viewed 5712 times

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Tue Jun 29, 2021 1:58 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Tue Jun 29, 2021 7:51 am

Hell no don't delete this from the auto correct @matt f*** blocks the word f***....maybe I like ducking better

Interesting, the other day I saw $#!+ is replaced by other characters.
It's one thing to tell us not to curse...it's another to censor us...

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Jun 29, 2021 7:53 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Jun 29, 2021 7:53 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Tue Jun 29, 2021 8:02 am

KaMei wrote: ↑Tue Jun 29, 2021 1:58 amHardReset.jpg

: image.png (294.03 KiB) Viewed 5678 times

Reminds me...
I bought an iPod years ago and didn't like the way it worked...So, I don't like apple. (There are other reasons, too...don't get me started on Starbucks...)
I was going on about the old one button mouse at work. So I got to work one day and someone swapped my mouse out for one. So, I brought a hammer to work with a label on it that says, "APPLE SERVICING IMPLEMENT". Anytime someone complains about their iPhone or ipod I offer to help fix it.. For whatever reason no one has taken me up on my offer.

matt · Unread post by **matt** » Tue Jun 29, 2021 9:07 am

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Tue Jun 29, 2021 7:51 am image.png

Hell no don't delete this from the auto correct @matt effing blocks the word effing....maybe I like ducking better

Interesting, the other day I saw $#!+ is replaced by other characters.
It's one thing to tell us not to curse...it's another to censor us...

Maybe instead of sarcasm fonts we need a seriously font, and just assume everything not marked is sarcastic. I have a hard time getting old and tone deaf. I can't ban all those words, they're part of my every day dickshunary.

Glenn Schroeder · Tue Jun 29, 2021 9:38 am

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Tue Jun 29, 2021 8:02 am image.png
Reminds me...
I bought an iPod years ago and didn't like the way it worked...So, I don't like apple. (There are other reasons, too...don't get me started on Starbucks...)
I was going on about the old one button mouse at work. So I got to work one day and someone swapped my mouse out for one. So, I brought a hammer to work with a label on it that says, "APPLE SERVICING IMPLEMENT". Anytime someone complains about their iPhone or ipod I offer to help fix it.. For whatever reason no one has taken me up on my offer.

That reminds me of a previous job. The guy I replaced had a radio that apparently got bad reception, or had blown speakers, or something, and sounded terrible. One day one of his co-workers couldn't stand it any more asked the guy if he'd like him to fix it, to which he replied "Yeah, I wish you would."

It was promptly fixed . . . with a 2 x 4.

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Wed Jun 30, 2021 1:58 am

jayar · Unread post by **jayar** » Wed Jun 30, 2021 2:39 am

Prior to the invention of the crowbar, all crows had to drink at home.

Imagine how happy Barn Owls were when humans first built barns.

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Wed Jun 30, 2021 6:43 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Thu Jul 01, 2021 8:36 am

https://www.foxnews.com/media/cbss-gayl ... penis-live

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Jul 06, 2021 8:25 am

July the 4th be with you!

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Tue Jul 06, 2021 11:26 am

We've been scratching our heads about how to fit a platform into a tight space...and a coworker left this on my desk, see my comments.:

Here's my second page:

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Tue Jul 06, 2021 2:33 pm

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Tue Jul 06, 2021 2:35 pm

mike miller · Unread post by **mike miller** » Tue Jul 06, 2021 3:20 pm

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Tue Jul 06, 2021 11:26 am We've been scratching our heads about how to fit a platform into a tight space...and a coworker left this on my desk, see my comments.:
image.png

Here's my second page:
image.png

Thank goodness you used purple ink....

I mean, you could impale someone on those sharp corners.

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Wed Jul 07, 2021 2:42 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Wed Jul 07, 2021 6:55 am

Ömür Tokman · Wed Jul 07, 2021 7:20 am

KaMei wrote: ↑Wed Jul 07, 2021 2:42 am 1401835125613137922-png__700.jpg

I went to ikea once and decided not to go again. I was nervous. You cannot leave without visiting the entire maza for a shopping that will take 5 minutes in total. It was a nerve wracking experience for me.

Glenn Schroeder · Wed Jul 07, 2021 8:19 am

Ömür Tokman wrote: ↑Wed Jul 07, 2021 7:20 am I went to ikea once and decided not to go again. I was nervous. You cannot leave without visiting the entire maza for a shopping that will take 5 minutes in total. It was a nerve wracking experience for me.

I also went to one once. I was with my son and daughter-in-law. I would not return without similar guides. If I went alone I would either never find what I wanted or become lost and wander around for days.

Roasted By John · Wed Jul 07, 2021 9:07 am